NajimudeeN_M-India: Fathwa, - Nifas – Postnatal Bleeding

NajimudeeN_M-India: Fathwa, - Nifas – Postnatal Bleeding: Question:
In the first link below this email [1], it says that the labouring
women should pray until most of the baby is out. How is this ...

For children, - Spiritual Stories for Children: Fox and StorkWhat Goes Around Comes Around

A selfish fox once invited a stork to dinner at his home in a hollow
tree. That evening, the stork flew to the fox's home and knocked on
the door with her long beak. The fox opened the door and said, "Please
come in and share my food."
The stork was invited to sit down at the table. She was very hungry
and the food smelled delicious! The fox served soup in shallow bowls
and he licked up all his soup very quickly. However, the stork could
not have any of it as the bowl was too shallow for her long beak. The
poor stork just smiled politely and stayed hungry.
The selfish fox asked, "Stork, why haven't you taken your soup? Don't
you like it?"
The stork replied, "It was very kind of you to invite me for dinner.
Tomorrow evening, please join me for dinner at my home."
The next day, when the fox arrived at the stork's home, he saw that
they were also having soup for dinner. This time the soup was served
in tall jugs. The stork drank the soup easily but the fox could not
reach inside the tall jug. This time it was his turn to go hungry.
MORAL: A selfish act can backfire on you.

For children, - Spiritual Stories for Children: Tit for Tat!What Goes Around Comes Around, Backfire

It is a law of nature that whatever action we take in this world,
there is always a reaction. If we do well, we stand to gain a good
reward. If we do badly, we should expect a bad outcome ultimately.
"What you sow, so you reap," is a popular saying.
The Noble Qur'an has also guided us on this subject, it says: "If you
do good, you do good to yourselves. Likewise, if you do evil, you do
evil to yourselves." (17:7)
One of the companions of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW)was very fond of
this verse of the Noble Qur'an. He used to recite it loudly and
repeatedly wherever he went.
A Jewish woman who had heard him once wanted to prove him wrong and
thus make him unpopular among his people. She thought up a plot
against him. She prepared some sweets mixed with poison and sent them
to him as a present. When he received them, he went out of the city
taking sweets with him. On the way, he met two men who were returning
home from a long journey. They appeared tired and hungry, so he
thought of doing them a good turn. He offered them the sweets. Of
course, he was not aware that they were secretly mixed with poison. No
sooner had the two travelers taken the sweets, they collapsed and
died.
When the news of their death reached Medina, the city where the
Prophet Muhammad (SAW)resided, the man was arrested. He was brought
in front of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) and he related what had
actually happened. The Jewish woman, who had mixed poison with the
sweets, was also brought to the court of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW).
She was stunned to see the two dead bodies of the travelers there.
They in fact turned out to be her two sons who had gone away on a
journey.
She admitted her evil intention before the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) and
all the people present. Alas, the poison she had mixed in the sweets
to kill the companion of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) had instead killed
her own two sons.
What a splendid example of a tragic reaction to a bad action; It shows
how one reaps what he sows. "Do as you would be done by," are the
words of wisdom from the learned and wise men of the past. They teach
us to do well to others in the same way as we like others to do good
to us.

For children, - Spiritual Stories for Children: Tit for Tat!What Goes Around Comes Around, Backfire

It is a law of nature that whatever action we take in this world,
there is always a reaction. If we do well, we stand to gain a good
reward. If we do badly, we should expect a bad outcome ultimately.
"What you sow, so you reap," is a popular saying.
The Noble Qur'an has also guided us on this subject, it says: "If you
do good, you do good to yourselves. Likewise, if you do evil, you do
evil to yourselves." (17:7)
One of the companions of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW)was very fond of
this verse of the Noble Qur'an. He used to recite it loudly and
repeatedly wherever he went.
A Jewish woman who had heard him once wanted to prove him wrong and
thus make him unpopular among his people. She thought up a plot
against him. She prepared some sweets mixed with poison and sent them
to him as a present. When he received them, he went out of the city
taking sweets with him. On the way, he met two men who were returning
home from a long journey. They appeared tired and hungry, so he
thought of doing them a good turn. He offered them the sweets. Of
course, he was not aware that they were secretly mixed with poison. No
sooner had the two travelers taken the sweets, they collapsed and
died.
When the news of their death reached Medina, the city where the
Prophet Muhammad (SAW)resided, the man was arrested. He was brought
in front of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) and he related what had
actually happened. The Jewish woman, who had mixed poison with the
sweets, was also brought to the court of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW).
She was stunned to see the two dead bodies of the travelers there.
They in fact turned out to be her two sons who had gone away on a
journey.
She admitted her evil intention before the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) and
all the people present. Alas, the poison she had mixed in the sweets
to kill the companion of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) had instead killed
her own two sons.
What a splendid example of a tragic reaction to a bad action; It shows
how one reaps what he sows. "Do as you would be done by," are the
words of wisdom from the learned and wise men of the past. They teach
us to do well to others in the same way as we like others to do good
to us.

Fathwa, - Is this divorce?

Question:
I know of a man who told his wife that if her mother came to their
house again it will be divorce, it will be divorce, it will be divorce
(three times). His wife's mother did visit them soon after. Is the
divorce final? Thereafter, the man took a fatwa from some "maulvi" who
said that it was not really divorce and that the man and his wife
could live together as a married couple. So they did. The man has been
extremely abusive, both physically and emotionally, to his wife and
three children all his life. Apart from providing financial support,
he has never really been a father to his children and from the very
first day has not been a good husband spending months and years away
from his wife in other cities and forcing her to stay at home and live
with his also-abusive parents and brother and sisters. This man leads
a wayward life (and always has) indulging in numerous extra-marital
affairs with many women at the same time ... he has been doing it
openly, in front of his wife and children from the time they were
little. The extra-marital affairs have involved physical intimacy on
many occasions as well. He also ended all physical intimacy with his
wife many years ago even though there was no legitimate reason for it.
His wife has been patient and kind throughout this time and has obeyed
him at all times even though he has always been mean to her and has
been torturing her emotionally for decades. She is a modest, righteous
woman and has done everything that a woman can do to make her marriage
work. The children are good too and they have always been respectful
towards their father even though they know what he is like. This man
has never been made to feel like he is not doing enough or that he is
a bad husband or father, yet he does not stop leading the kind of life
he does. In fact, he tries to show people that he is a religious man
when in fact he does every bad thing he says he doesn't. He says he
never lies, yet he lies all the time and also makes his children lie
to others for him. He decieves other people, is not honest with anyone
(not even his own parents) and has recently cut down financial support
for his wife and children even though he earns well and can more than
afford to continue supporting them. The wife apprised her in-laws of
the situation after tolerating him for 30 years and was hoping that
they would be able to help guide their wayward son. However, the
in-laws took their son's side. Moreover, the man is capable of harming
his wife and kids now that he knows how they feel (since the matter
came out into the open because of the in-laws). The man has a history
of taking revenge and inflicting serious wounds on other people. The
wife and children no longer feel safe in that house and they want to
leave. No rational advice has come from any quarter as yet including
from so-called ulemas. What is the best course of action according to
Shariah? Is it permissible for the wife and children to immigrate for
the sake of their religion and their safety given that the man is
refusing to be a protector of his family and in fact is perhaps the
biggest threat to them?
Answer:
In the name of Allah Most Merciful Most Compassionate
I pray you are well and in the best of health and iman.
Given the sensitivity of your situation, you should refer to a
reliable local scholar in person. However, if the wording you have
given is correct 'it will be divorce', then these words don't
constitute a divorce. As for her and her children immigrating, she
would have to discuss this with a local scholar.
And Allah alone gives success.

Fathwa, - Pregnant, not getting along with step-children

Question:
I am 20 weeks pregnant with an unplanned pregnancy. My husband and I
have a very good relationship, we seem almost perfect for each other.
The only problem is he has two very hyper, difficult children. We have
had numerous complaints from baby-sitters and teachers. The children
love me very much and I have made it my goal number one to raise them
Islamically to the best of my capability. The problem is, even though
my husband provides a nanny I feel that I can't live with them. I get
so depressed that I wish I would die at times and so stressed that I
get shaky. This happens on a near daily basis. It has been going on
for 2 and a half years with almost no improvement. I have gone to my
sheik for advice about the possibility of a divorce but he basically
said (and I agree with this) that I am being selfish and its not good
to give the ego what it wants all the time. This is true but at the
same time I wonder how much longer I can live like this. I feel like I
have no place to get away to. I am only 20 and when I married him I
had no clue what kids were like. I feel bad and just wish that my
husband could find a wife that was more capable of handling them and
giving them love. Even though it would be heartbreaking for me to
leave my husband. At what point should I go back to my sheik? I have
spoken with him about this so many times that I feel embarrassed to go
back, even though he has openly said I can call him anytime. P.S. I am
a Muslim convert and am unable to return to my parents.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Dear Sister,
Assalamu alaikum,
I pray this message finds you in good health and spirits.
A difficult situation can seem compounded when one is pregnant.
Nonetheless, you seem to have several factors in your favor. First, as
you mentioned, the children love you. Second, you and your husband are
in love. Third, your husband has been considerate enough to provide a
nanny.
Working from this basis, you need to see what changes can be made at
home to facilitate a healthy environment. A rush to divorce is not the
wisest course of action, considering that you and your husband are
expecting your first child together. I would suggest that you consult
the literature on blended families to see how other couples deal with
the challenges of raising step-children and biological children.
You did marry young and perhaps did not have the time to spend on
yourself, in terms of achieving your personal and religious goals. Now
you have a lot of responsibility. A step in the right direction would
be setting aside relaxation time for yourself and special get-aways
just for you and your husband.
Your husband's role is of the utmost importance. These are his
children and he needs to step in and let them know when enough is
enough. Have you considered what may be the source of their behavior
problems? I suggest that you seek counseling as a family.
Please do not get depressed. There is great reward in being a mother
and, in time, you will be able to look back on this experience,
knowing that you gave it your all.
Finally, you should talk to your Shaykh to see if he can give you any
special invocations or prayers to make to alleviate your depression
and give you more patience.
And with Allah alone is success.

Fathwa, - Difference in way of life in our marriage

Question:
My problem has been hurting me since I got divorced. My husband and I
have had issues since the beginning of our marriage. We disagreed on
many things getting into the marriage like how big the wedding should
be. If getting a ring was the right thing to do. How big should the
house we're buying going to be. I know these could be very trivial
issues compared to many disasters in the world and I realize this now
but the point is we entered this marriage with many stresses. I know I
wanted more than what he wanted to give but like any girl in my
position I had many suitors ask for my hand with great offers. I
picked one and hoped he will give me what I want. We had nikah right
away after the engagement and it lasted for a year before the wedding.
I felt helpless because I was already married and I wondered had I
stayed engaged , would he have granted me my wishes with much of a
struggle. We have a beautiful child now but we are divorced. We kept
having issues from his mother--incredible interference in all of our
affairs...where we live, when we should have a kid, how much money my
husband should spend on me and so forth. My other issue with my
husband is that I put on hijab right before I met him. We met and got
married. I felt that hijab got me into this mess. Now I'm accepting
the qadar of Allah more that I ever did before and I'm hoping for a
better life. He handled his mother's issues he says but the remaining
issue is how religious I am. I don't and never smoked or drank or
dated. I alhamdullilah am very pretty and I know that I could do all
of that and have fun but I don't want to. Allah's path is better that
any other. I just can't wear the hijab anymore. I emotionally and
physically suffer when I go out with it. I tried personal and family
counseling to fix this problem but we got nowhere we got divorced at a
time of anger. I asked for the divorce and he gave it to me. Now we
both regret it and want to get back together but the deciding factor
is me wearing hijab. He says that he won't expect much from me but he
needs some minimums and hijab is one of them. I really really
understand his point of view and he has every right to feel that way
but I'm really confused. I told him that I always tried to force
myself to do things for him so we won't destroy this marriage but this
time I'm having such a hard time and I am not good at explaining my
feelings. He asked me to stay with my parents until I have figured out
what I will do about hijab and based on that he will decide whether we
should stay together or not meaning divorce if I take it off. I am
lost. I don't want to break this family and I don't want to suffer
everyday. I pray and ask for guidance believe me and I will continue
to do that but for the mean time what do I do? I think sometimes why
couldn't he be more reasonable with me. Out of all of his friends he
one of the most strict ones I've met and yet he enjoys his life too. I
feel that my decision will affect my life, his and our son's and it
won't be pretty. I know I must have confused you already and I swear
I'm much more confused than I ever was. Many women don't wear hijab
but they aren't necessarily not religious. He has no faith in me now
and doesn't trust that I can be a good wife. I went through a lot with
him and what got to me the most is how ready he was to divorce me
whenever we had an issue. I hope your answer will guide me a little.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Dear Sister,
Assalamu alaikum,
Thank you for your question.
Given the seriousness of the situation, I strongly urge you and your
husband to seek marriage counseling.
There are only a few observations I can offer based on what I could
understand of your situation:
1.You and your husband have a child together. You owe it to your child
to consider the impact of a broken home on his future. Are your and
your husband's issues irreconcilable?
2.You seem to be very conflicted about the purpose and status of
hijab. Hijab is a command from Allah Most High. To make the hijab a
bone of contention between you and your husband is a mistake. Are you
really prepared to sacrifice your marriage over hijab?
3.There are obviously deeper issues than whether or not to wear hijab.
You and your husband appear to have some compatibility issues that
absolutely must be resolved before you go any further.
4.There are valuable lessons that can be learned from this situation.
You and your husband need to decide if you can make a fresh start.
(I'm assuming the divorce is non-finalized). You both need to make the
Guidance Prayerand mutually agree to seek marriage counseling to help
you work through these issues.
5.You both need to change the way you handle conflict. Threatening
divorce every time an issue crops up is unhealthy and, from a fiqh
perspective, risky.I pray you can work things out.